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“The Fyne Art of Combat
Brewing” By “True” Thomas Whitehart, Bard of Strongbow For The Tower, the Siege Tower of Strongbow |
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The SCA can proudly boast some of the
finest brewers in the land. SCA brewers have done well in mundane
competitions, and our Judges (at least here in Caid) use the same
judging standards (BJCP) as our outside colleagues do. But our judges,
have experience with things that you probably won’t see too much at
county fairs. For instance, a lot of folks outside of the SCA don’t know
what Mead, is, let alone that meads have almost as many styles and
varieties as modern wines do. And since we have all of history to play
with, SCA brewers often drag the weird and unusual recipes out of the
dusty corners of the past and try to recreate or re-invent them. It’s
always fun to enter these into a local fair just to see what they think
of them. “Jim, do we have a category for fermented mares milk? Uh-uh.
How about a “Metheglin?”” I know that when I entered my Capscumel (a Hot
pepper mead), on the judging sheets, the notes said. “HOT-HOT-HOT!” and
“!!!!” which I can only interpret as a good sign. If you ever get a chances to watch a brewing judging, it’s somewhat like watching a chess match, with lot’s and lot’s of bottles. Our judges are brave and intrepid. “What do we have next?” “Let’s see, a Lavender infused Kumquat Braggot…and it’s got floaties.” “Sigh. Bring it on.” As we all know, one man’s tasty beverage, is another man’s toxic waste hazard. At one of the judgings, the judges will taste cordials, meads, beers, ales, vinegars, hypocris, sodas, sekajubins and alcohol infused deserts, risking life and palate in the process.
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A few Highland wars ago, I submitted a
sparkling black-cherry/raspberry mead for the competition. Now in my own
defense, as with many hobbyists in the SCA, we learn as we go along. It
would seem my mead had way too much SPARKLE. Poor Master Donal (who’s
personal battle cry is “TRY THIS!”), barely turned the wire cage on the
bottle, and it ripped out of his hand. A solid shaft of purple foam went
straight up, like a fountain in Vegas. The beverage coated a large area
of the underside of the pavilion roof, and allowed the judges to share
in that pop classic “Purple Rain”. The crack and subsequent ricochet of
the cork, is now the stuff of legends. Judging sheets, and light colored
garb were soaked. After we stopped my lady from laughing hysterically, a
break was called, the ceiling was mopped, and bless them, the judges
resumed, with much decorum. The cork was found nine angles away in the
restroom. Needless to say, my next bottles were opened away from the
judges with people yelling “FIRE IN THE HOLE”. The brave man who opened
them may have created a whole new art “Hydro-Pyro-Technician”. The truth is, that SCA Brewers might be all a bit mad. Pretty much every one of them has a “sploda-pop” “bottle-bomb” story. Stories of chain-reacting-ale bottles, are the war stories traded by veteran brewers. It’s my theory that those ancient drawings of bombasts and petards used to blow up castle walls, were not early gunpowder, but instead some vat of peach flavored mead (well known for it’s splodify-ing potential) Brewers have further challenges- convincing your family that having the bathroom full of bubbling carboys is a good thing, as is sitting in front of the TV peeling 50lbs of your neighbors lemons. If you see someone going thru the bottles behind a fancy restaurant, it might not be hobo, it instead be a friend of an SCA brewer doing a bit of personal recycling. Brewing ingredients (fruit, honey, hops, etc.) can be pretty expensive, as can the bottles. It can take months to lovingly produce a mead, and mere minutes to see the entire batch consumed with a hearty mass “YUM!” In these situations, sometimes, brewers might knock out a “War Wine” which using cheaper ingredients (available, in say, the freezer section at Vons) can often times turn out just as tasty, and can satisfy the vast horde of thirsty friends. A friend of mine recently submitted one of his knock off “war-wines” at county fair, in competition with many others. It won first place! Caid brewers- the brave, the dangerous, and very, very, popular at the war!
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