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“The Fyne Art of Picking a
Nemesis” Or "Damn, he’s Good…really, really, Good.” By “True” Thomas Whitehart, Bard of Strongbow For The Tower, the Siege Tower of Strongbow |
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As a storyteller, I tend to see the
world in a metaphorical way, or to put it in another way, as ongoing
stories. It just comes with the job description, I think. Car problems
are caused by the Infernal Combustion Engines. Parking spaces are found
by Invoking Murray, the god of parking. Traffic lights can be changed by
singing annoying songs at them. I try to have at least two or three
quests a day just to keep fit. (Tip: if you keep your quests small, you
succeed a lot more!) I can proudly report having quested for my keys,
glasses, and snacks, and having succeeded at least more than once.
Chores, like laundry, bills, and other such things, are much more
satisfying if you can vanquish them (with a hearty AH-HA!). One day, as
my hyperactive imagination is wont to do, I came to the revelation that
I was “Nemesis Deficient”. Sure, I have tons of character building
adversity to deal with. (And who ever enrolled me in the crisis of the
month club, please, for the love of Joss, take me OFF!) But, in all the
traditional stories there is a kind of protagonist /antagonist thing
going on. King Arthur has his Mordred, Superman his Lex Luthor, Sherlock his Moriarty, and so on. Nemeses challenge the hero, and help create good stories. Batman and Joker would be pretty boring if the Joker went on hiatus for a 5 year publishing junket. Imagine poor “Bats” sitting in his cave, drumming his fingers…. |
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NNow in the world of literature, the
roles of hero and villain are more defined. (Villains get to say “Bwahaha!),
but in real life, not so much. People in the real world do have their
Nemeses, but which person happens to be the villain at the moment really
depends mainly on which side of the great divide the viewing public is
on. {This divide can be summed up briefly as the “chocolate chip cookies
with or without nuts” question. Now some people, use the defining “Mac
vs PC, or USC vs UCLA” questions, but generally, people tend to fall to
one side or the other.} So one fine day, I decided I needed an SCA nemesis. Having done extensive research (by asking my son) I concluded that a nemesis must have certain qualities. In fact, it’s really important to have a Quality Nemesis. When picking your Nemesis, I suggest you look for few important things. 1. They must be impressive. They need to have that certain style, that certain “something”. That “something” need not necessarily be menacing, or glorious, but needs to have the potential to be so. 2. They must be really good, or better at, some of the things you do. The Napoleon of Crime vs the Great Detective (intellect), for example, or perhaps Merlin vs Morgan le Fey (magic), etc. 3. They must be at least somewhat willing. There’s really no point in saying “AH HA!” if you are roundly ignored. 4. They must capable of writing their own lines. Add extra points if they can monologue maniacally. Nothing beats a good “I have you now!” or “Curses, foiled again!”. Time passed, and I feared I would never meet that “special someone”. No Darth Vaders appearing for my Luke. My SCA criteria was that they must share at least two interests with me, which in my case, are barding, brewing, and battle. I considered a well known Bardess, famed for her time traveling steed, multi-talents and her ability to be two places at once. Alas, while she certainly kicks fanny bardic-ally, she did not do armed combat, nor brewed. And then there was the “Master Brewer” a gent who can capture sunlight in a bottle and has no shortage of other impressive skills, but sadly, had just retired his helm, and was only rarely inebr…err…inspired enough to sing. Sigh. But then, I saw “Him”. At 6’5’’it was hard to miss him. At a Bardic Event, this Gentleman whom towered above us mere mortals, when his turn arrived got up and “rocked the casbah”. He had a fantastic voice, rich and deep, and technical chops for miles. He had style, he had grace, he “bardically” took over the place. I watched as he did a piece for the kids, where he got down on his knees and did poetry for them with big eloquent eyes, and he won the hearts of everyone at the room. My thoughts were…”Damn. He’s good. Really, really good.” The next day, I saw him out on the battlefield, and he was every bit as eloquent at expressing himself with bits of rattan. I made friends with the gentleman in question. It turned out that not only was he a trained singer, he was also a retired semi-pro sumo wrestler, and a poet first rate. And, a quick wit! Finally, a worthy adversary! In fact, maybe a little too worthy (thinking back on it.) At a Crown Tourney a few years, ago, I was one of the low ranking fighters, so, got to pick the first person I would fight. As I looked at the line of impressive fighters, a helpful young lad next to me started to point to one after another. “How about him? He looks good!” He was pointing to “the sloth-ness” his Majesty, Sir Sven. I demurred. “Uh…too tough.” (Sir Sven went on to win Crown, of course.) After dismissing one noble “tourney tank” after another, the kid got exasperated and asked me “Well, who ARE you going to fight?” I pointed my sword at Baron Beorn of Northern Sea. The kid looked at me wide eyed. “He’s really big! Are you sure?” I smiled maniacally at him. “Yup- cuz he’s my Nemesis…and since he’s a bard, maybe I’ll get some good press out of it.” He looked at me quizzically, so I explained. “You see, nobody will be surprised if I lose, but if I win..woohoo! Plus, he writes fighter poems!” I lost so fast that the list officer barely had chance to lift the pen up, of course. Since then, I’ve had the honor of sharing the odd eric, and bardic stage with his Excellency, and I’m glad to call him a friend. He’s been ever so gracious about being labeled my “Nemesis”, even though I suspect he thinks I’m an utter loon. But hey…this is the Society of CREATIVE anachronisms, after all. And I’m all about “Creative.” Now, if I can only get him to say “Bwahahaaha!! May all your Nemeses, great or small, be foiled! THL Thomas “Human Target” Whitehart is also known as “True Thomas the Storyteller”. His website is http://www.truethomas.com. |
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