“What’s on your Shield, Baby?”
Or “SCA Heraldic Zodiac Bling”

By “True” Thomas Whitehart, Bard of Strongbow

For The Tower, the Siege Tower of Strongbow
My lady has two wolves on her shield. As I met her circle of friends, I began to realize, that people with certain heraldry seem to show certain personality traits. Wolf people tend to be dangerous on the battlefield, and slow to warm up to potential friends. Foxes, with or without soxes, tend to be witty and clever and so on. I have a stag on my shield and have run into few other proud Herbivores. (We take all the predator smack talk in stride- to us, they all just so many “antler ornaments”) These heraldic archetypes reminded me of the astrology of the 70’-80’s when everyone wore their zodiac sign on a gold chain around their necks. “Don’t mess with a Scorpio, etc. etc”. So without further ado, and compliments of your local herald-ish interpreter, here is your SCA Heraldic Zodiac “Bling” Primer!

Nautica: Nautical’s are the fluid types in the Heraldic wheel of life. While your surface can be smooth or stormy, they often times conceal great depths. If your heraldry includes water, ships, anchors, sharks, skulls and crossbones, chances are you are a Nautica.
This week: Say “Arrrr” to the one you love. Avoid Floritanicals, and invest heavily in belaying pins.!

Predatoria: Lions, Tigers, and Bears, (oh My!). Whether you run with a pack, or prefer dining solo, if your heraldry includes fur, fangs, and eating lots of protein, chances are, you are a predatoria. Predatoria, prefer to stalk their problems, and deal with difficult people over dinner.

This week: You don’t have to be Alpha to be loud and proud! Flea season is just around the corner, so find that grooming buddy.

Herbivoria: If your heraldry includes Hooves, or Horns, a high fiber diet and tendency to dance on your enemies, you are Herbivoria. Herbivoria tend to had a direct approach in dealing with things, and keep their eyes on the horizon. When they decide to move, everyone get’s out of the way.
This week: Stop ruminating, and blaze some new trails. Don’t be afraid to kick up your heels!

Crittoria: Variety is the spice of life! If you have a heraldic creature that’s more economical in size, chances are you are a critter. From bat’s to bumblebee’s, from wombat’s to weasels, if your submission made the heralds say “Huh” you have the Crittoria nimble mindset. Crittoria like to look at the world from unique perspectives, and are looking for that special niche in life.
This week: Mercury is trippant- can you say “roadkill?” Avoid road-rash decisions, and stay close to your honey!

Avians: People with Avian heraldry can be diverse. Some (Eagles, Owls and Hawks) like traveling and fast food. Others, like Ravens and Crows, are curious, and want to put something shiny away for tomorrow. But despite their diversity, all Avians like to look at the Big Picture, and need a chance to get away from it all. This week; Avoid the Mob-bing and call some friends!

Mythicals: If you do “Old school” Heraldic, like Dragons, Unicorns, Wyverns, etc. you are a mythical. Mythical’s tend to like puzzles, are picky about who they hang with, and are big on tradition. Mythicals are always looking to create that magical moment.
This week:
This current crop of Hero’s ain’t so heroic. Keep your standards high!

Chimericals: Chimerical’s are the Heraldic Wheel’s tricksters. Talons on a fox? Why not. Goat, Lion and Dragon head, all together? Sure. Why not add flippers? Magical and Mundane, Chimericals are often of many minds about things. They make great diplomats.
This week:  Help plan a banquet, and strut your stuff!

Flora-tanicals: Believe in the Green. Flora-tanicals know that in the end, they always win. Big on setting down firm roots, and exploiting each nook and cranny, they are the most methodical and optimistic of the heraldic signs. For them hope is always blossoming.
This week:  Don’t be so stiff, and try to turn over a new leaf. Break out the perfume!

Implementia: Axes flash, Broadswords, swing! If it be a shovel, a weapon, or a wheel (spinning or otherwise) you are Implementia. Refined and purposeful, Implementia’s are all about hard work, and keeping to the task at hand. While not outgoing, if your friends help maintain your relationship, they find you very productive.
This week: Things are a bit edgy. Polish up your people skills!

Geometricals: Loving Broad stripes and bright stars, Geometricals are colorful people, who don’t have much to say, but say it with impact. Big on planning, but not on fuzzy, Geometricals are happiest when defining the world around them.
This week: Be straight with others, and remember- help people to be colorful, and not color-less.

Miscellania: Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, and pretty Rainbows, the Miscellania tend to be elemental and whimsical, believing that it will all work out in the end. If you just don’t fit in, anywhere else, chances are you are one of the broad minded and accepting Miscellania.
This week: No matter how hard they try, there will always be that one sock left over. Hee-hee-hee!

In Submittia: Always hopeful, they know that life is never certain, and put whatever they like on their war-shields. In the ranks of the Submittia, you’ll find the Jackalopes, the Cthulu’s, and the Klingon “Birds of Prey”. While many people may find they fit this category, they know that it’s the journey and not the destination that’s important.
This week:  (and the one before that, and the one before that….) “Outlook cloudy. Naturally.”

Enjoy your Heraldic Zodiac Signage, and remember- if you see star’s on that shield, it could be that Sir Drogo just hit you with a big war hammer! Blessings!

THL Thomas “Human Target” Whitehart is also known as “True Thomas the Storyteller”. His website is http://www.truethomas.com.

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